The Knighting

A (with a pool noodle): I dub thee Sir David. 

M (hits A with noodle): I dub...

A: No, the king doesn't hit the knight. Or he'd chop off his arm or head. It's a sharp sword. So, he taps lightly. (Demonstrates.) I dub thee Sir David.

M (gently): I dub thee Sir Mommy!!

Phone Etiquette

Monkey (on pretend phone): Heyyo! Heyyoo!

A: Hi. What are you doing today?

M: Good!

A: No, that's "how." I said, "WHAT are you doing today?"

M: GOOD!

A: No, no. WHAT are you DOING today?

M: How!!

A: Me redskin?

M: Watching movie?

A: Haha! You're so silly!

Run, Forrest, Run!

LadyBug ran into my room: "I need to run as fast as I can!"

Why?

"Because I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

Ah.

The Penny People

Monkey (not quite four yet) just informed me that, "Penny people have no legs." And in case you don't speak toddler, what he means is, "the people on coins are just heads, no legs." 

Someone got into Daddy's change pile this morning.

Words of advice

Little Frog encouraging her siblings to pick up the messy bedroom: Be strong. Be beautiful. Be wise. Do the motions with me. Be strong. Be beautiful. Be wise. 

On Shaving

LadyBug: Daddy, why do you have a beard?

K: Well, hair just grows on my face. And Mommy likes it.

LB: Oh. Grammy must like Grandad bald, then.

Homophones

Keith: Ech!

LadyBug: What?

K: He shot himself with a pellet gun!

LB: With a pelican?

K: Ha! That's a funny image, but no.A pellet GUN, like a bb-gun.

LB: Like...your mom?

K: Ha! No, not like Bibi.

Where you toy?

Grammy decided to treat us to lunch. Kids' meals.

Monkey: Where you toy, Mommy?

A: I don't have one. 

Monkey: What?!

A: Adults don't get toys in our meals.

Monkey: But me got bird! (Angry Birds)

A: Yes, but adult meals only have food, not toys in them.

Monkey: Oooh! Dat sad.

Sense of Humor

Like all kids, mine attempt "Why did the chicken cross the road" jokes without really understanding how jokes work. This morning's round of jokes produced a lot of illogical and unfunny nonsense. But one bit of illogical funny nonsense came from Monkey:

Why did the horse jump on the roof?

Because I wanted to eat him.

To hear a three year old with a speech impediment talk about a horse jumping on the roof is probably the most surreal experience ever. His joke wasn't all that funny. After all, what three year old talks about eating horses? But his presentation was hilarious. 

A true hero

If you only knew about super heroes from what my kids say, then you'd think Cat Woman's greatest weapon is her bad breath.

Semantics

Monkey: Mommy, help me?

A: Aren't these the shorts you wore yesterday?

M: Yes.

A: Get clean shorts. And underwear.

M (crying): No!

A (laughs): You need to wear clean clothes every day. No just school days.

M: But me no want to! No laugh me!

A (laughs harder): But you're so cute!

M (cries harder): Me no cute!

A: Then what are you?

M: Me handsome!

A (can't breathe from laughing): O...K...

M (yells in frustration): Not funny! Me handsome!

Clearly we're starting the day off sync. 

Instructions on the Plague

Monkey: (as he's jumping on me) You really sick?

A: Yes.

LM: Why?

A: Because you caught the stomach bug from Daycare and brought it home to me.

LM: Oh. ...Sorry.

Punny Girls

Frog (8yo): It's Hotel Pennsylvania in the dark hallway!

LadyBug (5yo): It's TRANSylvania, not PENNsylvania!

Frog: No, Pencil-vania! It's full of pencils!

Tura Lura Lura

Last night, Aunt Z told me about a time several years ago that she sang a lullaby to my girls. As she sang "Tura lura lura, Tura lura, lural," the girls asked her, "What about Karen?" So, she sang "Tura kara Karen, Tura kara Karen." Of course, when Z told me this last night, we had to look up what "Tura lura lura" meant. Since it's just random rhyming syllables, we decided that "Tura kara Karen" is an appropriate change. 

Adventures in Poor Articulation

At school, Lady Bug made a "tornutobia." When she slowed down and really concentrated, she changed the first T back to a C. But I keep grinning at how cute she is, despite the many times I get frustrated when I've heard her say the same incomprehensible word a dozen times. 

This is where I want to die.

I think I may be raising Anne of Green Gables. She has decided she wants us to lay her on the bench in front of the fire place whenever she dies. I guess it's appropriate because there are already two ashes urns on the mantle. 

Something's Missing

From Keith:

The other day when you took the girls to school and I took Monkey to Grammy's, he brought me a shirt and shoes. I figured, since he was spending the day at Grammy's, that he didn't really need pants, so I dressed him in what he brought me. We continued going around the house, getting ready to leave. Suddenly, he came up to me and said, "I no have any pants!!"

Adorable? Yes.

A couple of things happened yesterday.

First, when it was time to wake up the girls, Little Monkey came with me. As he climbed up onto their bunk bed, he sang the Good Morning song just a measure behind me. 

Second, when there was a skit at church, Aunt Zina was "being interviewed" when Mrs. Krystal came in and "attacked" her. Little Bug said, "Poor Zina" in the most sympathetic voice. 

Third, Little Bug watched Daddy building on his Simpsons Tapped Out game and noticed an oddity: he was building hotels on the beach. She was quick to inform him that the foolish man builds his house on the sand, so Daddy should move the hotels to the mountain.

Identification

*knock knock*

LF: Who is it?

LM: Boy!

LF: In a minute; I'm dressing. 

LM: My (I) Boy!

LF: Ok, ok, Boy! In a minute.

First riding lessons for the Wiggins kids

"Mom, may I have a horse when I turn sixteen?"

"Zina, you're my best now." "Because I took you on a horse?" "Yes."

"Momma! Horse eat me!" "You fed the horse a carrot?" "Yesh!"